Running Away To Join The Circus
by Unicorn of death
Summary: As the title suggests, Roxas runs away with Axel to join the circus. Roxas has an interesting past, though, and it follows him relentlessly. Oneshot written after being inspired by a friend, and rated for boys liking each other, swearing, innuendo and references to violence.


**Running away to join the circus**

**Warnings: **A bit of sexual innuendo, some swearing, some boys fancying each other, and **_mentions of rape and violence_**. Please be careful if you're at risk of being triggered and if in doubt don't read this fic.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own KH, because if I did, Dream Drop Distance would have ended a whole lot differently. My way would have included lube and flavoured condoms.

xxx

He always knew it was a risky business.

Hell, it was practically in the job title. "Fire dancer". He knew plenty of dancers who had injured themselves, (one who almost died during a competition) and fire, while being damn sexy, was never known for its child friendliness. Still, he twirled the torches, and he grinned as the audience gasped, as he did things they never thought a human being could do. He loved the fire, and the fire loved him. They were a passionate couple, owning the spotlight as they declared their adoration with dance, flowing easily from spot to spot, ignoring the insignificant people staring from the stands and only paying attention to each other.

Or at least, that was how Axel liked to think of it. In this artistically filthy, lonely little travelling circus, Axel's only friend was fire. He sent postcards to his little sister sometimes, and she came to one of his shows in Hollow Bastion, but other than that, he'd had no contact from anyone from home since he was... ten? Eleven? The years blurred together. He had forgotten his birthday, and his real name, and his age, and his mother's face. He only knew performance, and mind-warping loneliness, and fire. Lots and lots of fire.

xxx

"ROXAS! ROXAS!"

Roxas jolted awake from another nightmare. His entire body shook and he was cold, sweating, and ready to sink his teeth into the hand that someone had laid on his shoulder. "What –"

"Roxas, relax, it's me, it's just me." Riku watched as Roxas fell back into his pillows, breathing becoming heavier and slower. "You were having another bad dream."

"S-sorry..." It had been so _vivid_. Roxas had to hope that he hadn't kicked Riku during the horrific re-enactment of _that night_, the one that his mind decided it was time to treat him to again. "I just..."

"Was it the same one?" Roxas nodded slowly. "You're lucky."

There was an unsettled silence. That comment had stung. _Lucky_, to rewatch over and over again his twin brother's death, _lucky_ to hear him screaming for Roxas's help and slowly going silent as the life was ripped out of him, over and over in his dreams...

"How... how am I lucky?"

"Because," Riku said, getting to his feet and beginning to pace the room, "you see Sora every night. I only see him twice a month."

Roxas's stomach seemed to be somewhere underground. Sora... _Sora_...

"You have his eyes," Riku said, turning abruptly towards him. "And sorta his face, but skinnier."

"Well, he was my older brother, so I would assume –"

"_Is_. He _is_ your older brother." Riku started tiptoeing back towards Roxas, who half-sat, half-lay in bed, utterly frozen. "Sora didn't die."

"No, he didn't." But Roxas wished he had, wished he'd succeeded when he yanked the knife out of Ventus and took it to his own wrist. "I-I'm sorry, Riku..."

"You will be." _Why does this always happen, why do I keep agreeing to stay at Riku's place anyway..._ "Take your clothes off."

Knowing it would be worse if he disobeyed, Roxas took the order, shaking almost as hard as he had been when he woke up from his last nightmare.

"_Good_ boy... you _do_ look like Sora, if I ignore your hair..."

xxx

Axel lay alone. As usual. The train rattled and the only light within his carriage was a single lamp, coated in filth like everything else that he owned, and moonlight flicking in from time to time, having to dart through clouds and twist around tree branches to land at his feet. He closed his eyes and tried to empty his mind completely. He couldn't. Some song lyrics were echoing in the back of his mind, but he couldn't think of the song, or the band, or even the last time he'd listened to music. Their little band of travelling performers had almost nothing. Axel's most prized possessions included an empty matchbox with a few words written in his sister's messy handwriting, a small plastic ring given to him by an awestruck little boy who found him after a performance and called him a superhero, and his favourite comb. As the train carriage swayed more violently, Axel chuckled to himself. He had asked to be this alone. He had fought viciously to be this alone. And now that he was, he wasn't sure quite how much he liked it.

The other performers all seemed to have darker pasts than him. He was just a bit too boisterous and rebellious and homosexual, was all, and his parents grew sick of him, and he grew sick of his parents. While none of them spoke to each other very often – he wasn't even sure that Zexion _could_ speak – they seemed to have some sort of bond that Axel couldn't even understand, let alone share. Not that he wanted to, of course. People were poison. He had to avoid every single one of them, or he'd have to run again.

xxx

Roxas was dying.

Or at least, that's how it felt. He lay curled in a corner, bleeding from at least three places, and his entire body burned and shook with pain, _agony_, and all he could think, the only words he could force through his tired mind were _I'll get to see Ven again._

And then the sirens pierced his mind, and he realised his life would be saved, and he was heartbroken. _Ven..._

"It'll be okay, boy. We'll get you help. Can you hear the ambulance?" Roxas nodded slowly, new agony erupting in his neck, down his spine... _Fuck... I wanted to... Ven... _"Don't worry, champ. They'll patch you up good and proper. You'll be good as new in no time."

Whoever it was leaning over him, trying to reassure him, was earning more hatred from Roxas with every word he spoke. Didn't he understand? _I want to die... I should be dead... _"I..." Okay, wow, speaking was worse than nodding. Roxas shut his mouth again, and fell to whimpering, wishing he could resist the strong hands that lifted him onto the stretcher, begging his mind to settle back into unconsciousness so he could at least imagine he was dying, so he could at least imagine that he was on his way to see Ventus, and so that the pain would fade even just a little.

As the blackness swallowed him up once more, he heard a paramedic trying to coax him back to awakeness, and his last thought before he passed back out was _No-one was there to wake Ven back up._

xxx

"Axel, don't be proud. It's clearly infected; let's get you to the hospital."

Axel, bent slightly with his right hand cradled protectively in his left, merely hissed. _Hospitals_. _People. Medicine. Sympathy._ The sympathy was the worst.

"Come on, sourpuss. If we're quick then you might still be able to perform tomorrow." Axel sighed heavily. Luxord did know how to convince a man. He was gifted with words, everyone knew that, and why he was managing a circus when he could be an award-winning author, or a professor of English, or... well.. _anything_, really. He was "an ambitious cunt", as Xaldin had put it when introducing Axel. And yet, he was staying with his circus. Axel at least had to admire his dedication. "Come on, lad, come with me, they'll patch you up good and proper." Axel blinked, wondering why that phrase sounded off, and followed Luxord dumbly, still holding his burnt hand.

As he climbed into the taxi and heard Luxord giving the driver – foreign, and smelling terribly of cigarette smoke – directions to the hospital, he looked down at his hand again. How had he burned himself so badly? He caught himself from time to time, sure, but to do some actual, lasting damage... that was odd.

He strolled into the hospital, secretly brimming with a sickening sense of superiority at the sight of all these people, sick, miserable, injured, _dying_, and here he was in full health, just a minor wound on his hand...

"If you just want to take a seat, sir, we'll be with you in a minute." Axel tossed himself into the nearest chair, glancing around to see if there was anyone interesting to talk to. His eyes caught on a pudgy kid with spiky brown hair and wide, honest brown eyes.

He leaned towards him. "Hey, fatty." The kid looked up, seeming a little hurt but mostly intrigued. "What're you here for?"

"My name's Pence, and, um... my friend," he said, glancing nervously towards a door on the far side of the room. "He got jumped by some guys, and I'm here to make sure he's okay and stuff." He looked Axel up and down. With huge spikes of crimson hair and sharp emerald eyes, Axel was aware that he struck most people as a little unusual. "Have I met you before?"

"Nope," Axel replied without considering the question, used to denying everything. "You might've seen me performing though. Ever been to a circus?"

"Oh! You're the fire guy!" The pudgy kid clapped a pudgy hand over his pudgy mouth. "You were _awesome_!"

Of course he was awesome; he was Axel.

"Next," called a bored-looking nurse, and Axel sprung to his feet and sauntered out, grinning at the fat guy as he went. "What can we do for you, sir?"

"I think this is infected, I burnt it last night. Quite badly." Axel cleared his throat. "I think I just need some cream or something." He wasn't going to stay longer than he had to. He had no paperwork, and he didn't know his real name. There was no way he could be kept overnight.

The nurse gently took his hand and placed it onto the table, squinting at it. "This looks really quite severe, and badly infected. We might have to operate. Tell me, how did you do this?"

"I, um, I perform in a travelling circus, y'know, I'm a fire dancer, and, well, I was a bit clumsy last night." He couldn't remember much of last night, now that he thought about it. He had been oddly drowsy after dinner. "I'm sure you don't need to operate, just slap a bandage on it and –"

"Young man," the nurse said sternly, "if we don't fix this now, you might lose this hand permanently. Which would mean no more performing." Axel blanched. She couldn't be _serious_... "So, what's your decision?"

"G-go ahead..." he muttered, looking down at his hand. He really didn't want surgery, or to be in here, surrounded by sick people and misery and _sympathy_, but he needed his hand. "I want to be out of here as soon as I can, though."

"Naturally," the nurse replied, standing up. "Come with me, then. Honestly, though, fire dancing. Bloody health and safety nightmare, you circus types."

Axel tuned her out. _This_ was why he hated people. They all thought they were better than him, and they were all very wrong. Sometimes he wanted to show them just how wrong they were... _You wouldn't be able to bitch about health and safety if I burned you to charcoal... if I pressed a hot metal rod to your tongue until there was a hole straight through... _

xxx

Roxas stirred awake and could tell instantly he was in the hospital. He knew the smell better than he should. He knew the lighting better than he should. He knew the sensation of a drip in his hand better than he should.

"Good morning, Blondie." Roxas didn't even bother to look for the voice's owner, just kept his eyes trained on the ceiling. "Sleep well?"

"Mhmm..." It was a male voice, cocky, deep. Roxas guessed that his new roommate was in his twenties. "Hurts..."

A chuckle. "I would assume so. You look like you jumped off a building."

Roxas found himself wishing he'd done that. It would have been a hero's death, jumping into the arms of Death so that he could greet his brother. Instead, he had let himself be beaten to a blonde, bloody pulp, and then just curled up and hoped Death would come and carry him like a child into whatever comes next. And obviously, he hadn't. "Why... you..."

"Why'm I here? Burnt my hand, had to have surgery." Roxas wanted to lift his head up. He wanted to see who he was talking to. For all he knew, it could have been one of the guys who had attacked him. "You look like shit, you know."

"Thanks," Roxas mumbled, deciding that it would be better to do it fast, so that the pain didn't last. He shoved himself into sitting up, finding that instead of agony rippling through all of his nerves like it had before, his body was just aching dully, and his limbs were disobeying him, just lying there dumbly. He blinked at the sight of the man in the bed opposite him. "Ummm..."

"I know I look like a freak, don't worry. I kinda am one." He grinned. "And _you're_ just a pansy."

"Fuck... you..." Roxas was still having issues forming words. "You're a... a cunt..."

The guy opposite him pouted, feigning hurt. "I'm so _sorry_, Blondie, I didn't mean to point out the fact that you obviously lost a punch-up so bad that you needed surgery to have your head removed from your ass. Or was it there to start with?" Roxas growled. "Are you trying to intimidate me? Because right now, I doubt you could stand up without a nurse to help you." Giving up, the battered blonde fell back into his pillows and closed his eyes. "Awww, and now Blondie's sulking. Shame, because you seemed like an entertaining victim."

The words chilled Roxas straight to his core. He was sharing his hospital room with a madman.

Hopefully the redheaded nutcase would kill him in his sleep, and he wouldn't look like too much of a mess when he met Ven again.

xxx

The blonde talked in his sleep. Axel found it little more than irritating. It would be one thing if there were stories drooling out of his sleeping mouth, but there weren't. Just disjointed words that chilled Axel, Axel who fought against ever cooling off, who wanted to burn, not to be filled with ice by pleas from a bruised blonde.

He glanced down at his hand. It was fine, but the hospital staff were keeping him there because he was malnourished and covered in other burns, and they wanted to investigate his background a little. They would find nothing. Even if he hadn't given a false name, lied through his teeth and smiled at the right nurses, Luxord would cover his tracks, keep him safe. Not for his sake, but for the sake of the circus.

"I'm... I'm dying..." Axel's eyes darted back to the blonde across from him. Still asleep. Still looking perfectly alive. "Live... Ven... for me..."

Ven. He talked about Ven in his sleep a lot. Not his parents, not that pudgy guy – Pence, was it – no one but Ven, and sometimes Sora. He pleaded with Sora to kill him, and he begged for Ven to stay alive. It made Axel's heart hurt a little, and Axel didn't like to be reminded that his heart was even there.

"Hey Blondie. Blondie, wake up." The blonde stirred. "Tell me your name, Blondie."

"Rox... Roxas..." He slowly but surely propped himself up to at least appear to be sitting. "You're... you want to kill me..."

"No, I don't. Couldn't be bothered, really." There was something in Roxas's eyes... those shining blue eyes that looked half-dead already, but that other half... "Calm down, Blondie."

He nodded. "Sorry."

"And no apologies. You have a real story there, huh?" He nodded again. "Sounds interesting."

"You're not hearing it." Anger clouded his face. "I'm not trusting a _freak_ like you."

It didn't hurt, not in the slightest, but it made Axel all the more intrigued. "Why not? Sounds like you fucked up before, trusted a freak like me and –"

"Shut _up_." There was a silence, then he opened his mouth again. "Go on then, Red. What's _your_ story?"

He chuckled. "Don't have much of one, really. My parents never liked me, I guess it was the fondness for detentions, and for cock. I ran away one day, changed my name. Found a circus to take me in, took to playing with fire. People pay to watch Axel, the fire dancer. I don't really remember being anyone else." Roxas was studying him, perfectly straight teeth biting into a pretty little red lip. He was cute, but not really Axel's type. And he probably liked chicks, anyway. Most cute guys did. "You sure you aren't willing to share even a little bit of your story with me?"

"I got jumped by some guys, got brought here. Woke up to an obnoxious redhead asking unwelcome questions. That's all you'll get," he smirked, picking up a glass of water by his bedside table and sipping at it. "So why are you in here?"

"Burnt my hand, got infected. Nothing special." There was another silence. Then, completely on a whim, like running away, like telling people his name was Axel: "You should join my circus."

Roxas looked at him like he had suggested something stupid. Because, you know, he had.

"No, seriously. When I get out of here I'll wait around for you until you heal up. You could be my assistant or something. I get... lonely..." He hadn't meant to say that, and he wondered why he had. He didn't get _lonely_, he just got bored. "Well, okay, maybe more... more bored than lonely. But what d'you say? If the stuff you say in your sleep is anything to go on, you need somewhere new to go. You could start over."

"You're a freak," Roxas muttered. The conversation seemed to die after that, and the room started to glow golden as a cloud outside shifted and the sunset poured in through the curtain. After at least fifteen minutes of Axel gazing at the floor, a little more than hurt, Roxas spoke again. "I'll think about it."

xxx

"You're sure this was a good idea? What if we get found out, or..."

"We won't, baby." Luxord slid into Xaldin's lap, grinning with something a little more sophisticated than evil dancing in his murky-ocean eyes. "The kid had concussion and a touch of amnesia, he won't remember your face. And as for Axel, he thinks he just got sloppy because he was exhausted. Which was what happened, really."

"But he was exhausted because you drugged him," Xaldin clarified, hands moving fluidly up and down Luxord's naked back almost instinctively. "And the blonde kid... why did we need him, specifically?"

"He's vulnerable, and he won't ask questions. He knows that people who ask questions can get themselves into all sorts of trouble." Luxord smirked, nuzzling into Xaldin's neck. "And he is quite pretty, you have to admit."

"I do have a soft spot for blondes," Xaldin murmured into Luxord's pale-gold hair, stroking down to his hips. "But you must know you're the only one for me."

"Of course, of course." Luxord smiled, wrapping his fingers around Xaldin's. "Now, how about a little bit of _practice_, strongman?"

xxx

"Is this really goodbye? Like, forever?"

Roxas sighed heavily, looking at his best friend, who stood in his bedroom with him, helping him to pack since one arm was still in a sling, held tightly to his body. "Maybe, Pence, I don't know. Look after the others for me, and I'll visit if I can. But, you know, with Riku and everything, and living in this house even though, well..."

"I get it." Pence laid a hand on Roxas's good shoulder and smiled at him. "Have a good time, and send postcards or something. Be good, okay?"

Roxas nodded. "You too. Now come on, I'm leaving tomorrow, I need everything packed."

xxx

"So you decided to come, then." Axel grinned, standing in Roxas's doorway, examining the now almost-empty bedroom, and the bruised blonde in its centre, clutching onto his suitcase for dear life. "You sure there's nothing else here you want to take?"

"I'm positive," Roxas replied, tugging his suitcase and himself out of the room to stand beside Axel. "You could destroy this place tomorrow and I wouldn't give a damn. I think I'd be happy to see it gone."

Axel grinned. "You really mean that, Blondie?"

"Yeah, why do you – oh. Go ahead."

"Why do we even need to wait for tomorrow, Roxas? Why not destroy it _today_?" A manic laugh, a match being lit, and a bony hand closing around his own. "_Run_."

They escaped down the stairs and out of the door as fire erupted out of Roxas's bedroom window, the blonde staring up at it in awe. "My house..." He laughed. "My house is dying too!"

Axel tugged on his hand. "You like that, Blondie, you'll love what I have to show you in the circus. Now let's run, and run, and never look back at the dying houses and the burning memories." Axel leaned down and whispered into his ear, "Let's start your life again, my pretty little light, drawing me in like a stupid, hungry moth."

Roxas shuddered. Axel was still trying to figure the boy out. Sometimes he thought that the kid was afraid of him, or at least creeped out by him, but other times, out of the corner of wary green eyes, he saw Roxas gazing at him with the same sort of melancholy longing that sometimes coated his face when he thought he was alone.

He needed to invest in new curtains.

"So we meet the others on the train and we go where exactly first?" Roxas asked, still clinging to Axel's hand with his just-mended one, the other tugging his suitcase along behind him like that red cart he and Ven used to share, the one they used to pull each other around in, or sometimes the cat.

"Not sure, I think Luxord mentioned Agrabah... you'd better have your own sunscreen, you're not borrowing mine." Axel grinned down at Roxas's slight pout. "Don't you give me that look, I'm not covering your face in my sticky white –"

"Axel!" Roxas half-laughed, only a little shocked. He was used to this kind of humour, mostly from Hayner, though when Olette had had a bit to drink she was usually happy to join in.

They made their way to the train station together, holding hands, and Roxas really did believe that this was his ticket to freedom, that things would be better this time.

Axel wished that the kid would be more cynical, but didn't have the heart to tell him the same.

xxx

"I've been here for three weeks and I _love_ it, Axel, I _love _being here, being your assistant, thank you so much." Roxas hugged Axel briefly before returning to the centre of the train carriage, where he had been twirling happily, even more gay than Axel's wet dreams. "This is so much better than before..."

"When are you going to tell me about your before?" Axel asked, opening his arms. Roxas had fallen into the habit of sitting between Axel's legs, pulling on the redhead's wrists until he wrapped his arms around the blonde's skinny chest. "I want to know why you say all that stuff in your sleep, and why you look so sad sometimes, and... and why you ran away with a strange man who told you he was from a circus, you must have _known_ that was risky..."

"I'll tell you about my before when you tell me about yours." Roxas made himself comfortable in Axel's embrace, smiling faintly at the sensation of the redhead's heart, always unnaturally fast, pressing into Roxas's back even through tissue and skin and clothing. "What did you do before this? Where are you from, what was it like?"

"I was from Hollow Bastion. My parents were both hard-working, very into the whole munny thing. Never was my cup of tea." Axel let his hands run up and down Roxas's sides, pulling his precious blonde closer. "When I told them I was gay they told me not to mention it again and I didn't, and when I brought home detention slips they would sign them and not speak to me for the rest of the evening. I realised that their favourite way of punishing me was to ignore me, and it worked a charm because I loved attention, I always did, even unpleasant attention. I hated most people, mind you, but I loved being acknowledged, reminded that I was still there, and having people remember me. And, I dunno, I guess that one day the ignoring just hurt a bit too much, and my grades were slipping and I had no other plans, so I went to see if the circus would have me. I didn't think I had any real talents and Luxord just had me cleaning and watching until one day he walked in on me twirling a lit match between my fingers and he said to me, he said "Axel, you've got yourself a pretty little talent there. How long have you liked fire?" and I told him that I'd loved it for as long as I could remember and he said that I should play with it more often, and that if I did I might become skilled enough with it to use it in a performance. I trained for hours, days, weeks on end and eventually he decided that I could go and show it off to the audience, and they loved it. So did I. So I did more, and got better, and I've been a fire dancer ever since."

Roxas yawned widely. "That's really cool. Sucks about your parents though." He nuzzled into Axel's chest and he rubbed Roxas's back, smiling. "Wanna hear about me now?"

"You're very tired, Blondie. In the morning, yeah?"

Roxas gave no answer; he had fallen asleep in Axel's arms.

xxx

"What do you mean, he's _gone_?" Riku snarled, pinning Pence to the wall with one hand and Hayner to the door with the other. "_Where_?"

"He said it was a circus," Hayner choked, still trying feebly to push Riku's hand away. "We're sorry, we are, we don't know the name or anything, he just said he'd met a guy and he was going to be his assistant at a circus..."

Riku growled and let go of them both. "I thought he was _dead_... I saw the house, or rather, the absence of the house, and I thought... I thought he..."

"It's okay, Riku, it is. He's fine. He said he'd send postcards." Pence carefully forgot to mention that he had already received two postcards from the blonde, stuck to his fridge. In the face of a psychotic sort-of relative to Roxas, he comforted himself by imagining again his best friend's handwriting spelling out fragments of his story.

_Hey Pence, _the first postcard had said, _I'm having the time of my life. Axel – the guy I ran off with – is taking good care of me, and the others mostly ignore me. We're meant to be coming back to Twilight Town once we're done in Agrabah and have stopped by Halloween Town – you should come see us. I hope you and everyone are fine, and I miss you guys. -Rox _

_PS Axel says hi, and he told me to tell you to lose weight. He's a bit of a dick sometimes._

The second one had been less insulting to Pence's physique, and a little more amusing as well:

_Hey Pence, hope you're doing okay. Agrabah is great, but way too warm. Which means that people stroll around in not-much-clothing sometimes. Which means I know that Axel has a reeeeally nice six-pack. Think I have a bit of a crush on him. Oh well. Keep looking after the others for me, and tell them I say hey._

_PS Axel apologises for what he said last time. Only because I told him to apologise, but still._

Riku stormed out of the room, and Hayner and Pence both sighed. Olette crawled out from under the sofa. "Well, that went relatively okay," she remarked perkily, as Hayner chuckled and made himself comfortable on the sofa she had just emerged from. "You okay, Pence?"

He nodded slowly. "I don't think Roxas would be safe if he were here at the moment." There was a loaded pause. "Riku wants him back just a little too badly."

"Man, you're crazy." Hayner laughed and tossed a cushion at Pence. "Roxas is fine. He's living that little fairytale with his new boyfriend from the circus, and Riku is just jealous, and misses him. Everything's fine."

Pence remained cynical. And for Pence, that was unusual.

xxx

"I'm so hot."

He was indeed, Axel found himself thinking, watching Roxas peel a sweaty shirt from his pale, sleek chest. Axel had no intention of getting close to Roxas in _that_ sense, not least because the kid still wouldn't tell Axel his age, which led him to believe that it was somewhere below legal, but it was certainly fun to think about. Axel saw Roxas less as a person and more as a pet, anyway. Maybe it was just because it made it easier to deal with, the idea that there was a person that he could trust and enjoy the company of and talk to about literally anything. Except, so far at least, Roxas's past.

"You know, Blondie, you still owe me a story." Roxas blinked. "What do you say we call it a day out here and go inside, into the nice cool tent, and talk about your before?"

Tentatively Roxas followed Axel into the tent, feet treading the sand like it was about to attack, his heart starting to pound at the prospect of finally telling someone all of it. But he _had_ to tell Axel. He couldn't _not_ tell Axel. "Hey, Zexion," he muttered, and Zexion nodded in his direction before returning to his book. His throat was drying up faster than it had in the desert heat outside. "So, um, Axel..."

"Come sit in my lap first, cherub," he grinned, holding out his arms. Roxas couldn't quite remember when the cherub nickname had first arisen but he liked it a lot. Blondie was second to it, and he almost disliked Axel calling him his actual name, though he wouldn't admit that. "Now, start at the beginning, and tell me everything. Take as much time as you need, you know I'll listen."

Roxas nodded. "Well, okay. I grew up with two normal, loving parents, an older brother called Sora, a twin called Ven who was older by about an hour, and a cat called Pete. We had a little sister for a while, but she... she got taken. Her name was Naminé, and she looked like a little angel without any wings, big blue eyes like mine and pale blonde hair that was almost transparent under the sun. And we were in the park one day, and all anyone ever told me was that a man just snatched her and took her away. She might still be alive somewhere..." Roxas swallowed, and realised that Axel had been stroking his knuckles with one thumb for at least a minute. "Anyway. There were search parties and investigations and everything but they just couldn't find her and eventually Mom and Dad gave up. Mom got sad a lot and when she cried then Ven and I would both sit in her lap and tell her all about how we would get Nami back one day, the stork would bring her like it did the first time, and we'd tell her how we'd make up for lost time with visits to the park, and the beach..." Axel wiped a loose tear from Roxas's cheek with one thumb, but made no indication that he should either stop or carry on. He took a deep breath, and kept talking. "Meanwhile, I was paying less and less attention to Sora and my dad. I was much more worried about making sure that Mom wasn't too sad, and staying close to Ven. I figured he needed protecting more than Sora, because he was younger. But I think Sora was steadily losing it. The cat was found dead one day with a key stuck in its neck as if someone had stabbed him with it, and everyone thought it looked a bit like Sora's journal key but no, that would be silly. And then one shitty day, Sora got expelled from school and wouldn't tell any of us why. I wanted to get away from the yelling and I retreated to the room I shared with Ven, and eventually Mom and Dad got tired as well and went to bed, but Ven, he always wanted to help, and he kept trying to gently press Sora for information, y'know, and Sora, he just... snapped..." Roxas's voice gave out and he clung to Axel's arm. The redhead rocked him slowly back and forth, unusually silent. They both waited a few long moments for Roxas's speech to continue. "Sora... Sora stabbed Ven over and over. I didn't know what was going on exactly... I heard Ven scream, and he was asking for me, begging me to come and help, and I got halfway down the stairs before he just went quiet, and I saw Sora standing over him with a knife, blood fucking everywhere... I watched Ven turn his head to look at me before he went completely still, and Sora took the knife to his own wrist and started to cut, and I... I could have... but... anyway. I guess the neighbours had called the police or something because there were suddenly policemen, I don't even remember quite how, and they took Ven's body and they arrested Sora. He pleaded guilty and got locked up, he's still locked up to this day. And... and my parents, they went to Ven's funeral with me, and it wasn't at all how he would have wanted it, I tried to tell them, he didn't want _black_ and _tears_ and he certainly wouldn't have wanted to buried, he would have wanted to be cremated so that his ashes could fly in the wind, but he... he wasn't there to tell them, and they had long since stopped listening to me. They committed suicide together the day before the birthday I used to share with Ventus. And I couldn't stand living in that house all by myself when I used to have two normal parents and three siblings and a cat, so I started staying with friends all the time. And Riku, Sora's boyfriend, he started being really nice to me, I assumed he felt bad or something at the time, but then I realised he was touching me while I was asleep and stuff, and the first time I confronted him about it, he raped me. And every time I talked in my sleep he would wake me up and make me shut up, and that usually involved his dick in my mouth. And the worst part..." Roxas took a deep breath. "The worst part is that I could have saved him, if I had been downstairs as well..." He finally gave out, tears cascading from his eyes, and he gripped Axel's shirt so tightly that he was surprised he wasn't tearing it. "I should have died instead, or as well... I... I..."

"Shh, Blondie, shh," Axel murmured, stroking his hair. "It's okay, angel, it is, I'm here." Roxas felt warm lips pressed to his forehead and sighed deeply, sobs subsiding a little. "Now, I don't want to hear you saying that you should have died again, okay? I don't want you wanting to die. Roxas, you _fixed_ me. You made me so much better. You survived so much and you deserved none of it. Oh, Roxas, I wish I had known how much you'd been through, and I wish I knew how to make it better..."

"You do," he choked, wiping his eyes only to find more tears falling out of them. "You... you took me away from that godforsaken house, you saved me from Riku, you... I just... I owe you my life, I was suicidal for months before I met you, and... Axel..."

"Shh, my little Blondie, shh." Something about Axel's nicknames for him made him feel warmed to his very core. "It's okay. It's okay."

It almost was.

xxx

_Hey Pence,_

_I'm writing an actual letter instead of just a postcard because I wanted to tell you more about that little crush on Axel I mentioned. I think I'm full-on in love with him. He calls me Blondie, or angel, or cherub, and I sit in his lap and we talk about our pasts together, and our hopes, and our dreams, and everything else. He makes me feel safe, and he's beautiful and terrifying and when we first met I thought he wanted to kill me and he thought I was nothing but a really pretty target for manipulation. I know I'm not making any sense but none of this makes sense, Pence, I ran away with a guy who said he was from the circus knowing full well he could have been anyone, with any sort of intention, and it fixed me in a way I can't describe, I still get the nightmares but I'm not sad as often, and when I am sad then I'm willing to let Axel comfort me, and just... I don't know. I sound really gay right now. You did know I was gay, right? Because if not, I guess this is as good a way to exit the closet as any._

_Anyway. I know there's no point asking how you are or anything because you won't be able to reply to these, because we're always travelling. But I hope you and the others are doing okay, and Seifer isn't giving you any shit, or if he is then Hayner's still sassing him on a regular basis, and I hope you guys don't miss me too much because I miss you guys just enough, I think about you a lot but I think about you fondly and it makes me happy to imagine you all safe and fulfilled in Twilight Town while I'm helping Axel clean soot off of, well, everything. _

_Oh, wow, how much gay can one person hold before they explode into glitter and rainbows?_

_Tell the others hi from me, and I hope I'll see you soon,_

_-Rox._

Axel grinned and slipped the letter back into the envelope he'd found it in. So Roxas felt the same way as he did. Well, he was owed at least two favours in Agrabah, and they had one more night here before they progressed to Halloween Town.

Time to take Roxas on a date.

xxx

"Xemnas wants the munny tomorrow." Xigbar folded his arms and glared down at Luxord. "You said, you _swore _that we'd be okay, Luxord, but if we don't give the man his munny –"

"Re-_lax, _Xigbar. We'll just sell one of our circus freaks. We have too many anyway, we can barely feed the ones that we have."

Xigbar's one eye narrowed in the darkness. "Not Demyx."

Luxord chuckled before murmuring, "He'd be a good prostitute."

Suddenly the barrel of a gun was pressed against Luxord's temple and Xigbar was growling in the back of his throat. "So would Larxene, now I want your word that you won't sell Demyx in exchange for my word that I won't shoot your brains out."

"You have my word, Xigbar."

He tucked his gun back into his jeans. "And you've got mine, now who are we going to sell?"

"Larxene, I suppose. I doubt any of the others will miss her too terribly."

Xigbar nodded and slunk back into the shadows to grab a girl out from them who could make sparks appear in the air, something that most called magic but that Luxord called static electricity and a pair of tits that distracted you just enough to suspend your disbelief, assuming you liked women.

xxx

"So you're telling me that you stole a child, burnt down his house, read a letter to his friend basically proving that he is in the grip of a little something called Stockholm Syndrome, and now you want me to set up a nice romantic date for the two of you?"

"Basically, yeah," Axel responded, grinning. "I'd be grateful if you could supply us with some condoms and lube as well."

Genie grimaced. "The fewer details the better, thank you, _sir_." He sighed heavily. "Still, a deal's a deal, and I do owe you my life twice over, give or take a few comments made about my facial hair that may impair my judgements about your camp little character. Now, stand back, sonny, I have _magic_ to work!"

Axel grinned and fled, prepared to tie Roxas up and drag him there if it meant that they could have a date in Agrabah.

xxx

"That was... I mean... wow..." Roxas smiled dumbly and looked down at his worn shoes, unable to look at the same beautiful face he'd spent an evening gazing at. They were probably meant to be helping to take down the tent, but as long as they were on time for the train, Roxas couldn't have cared less. He was overwhelmed and most certainly in love and desperate for Axel to spout more poetry, or at least, that's how it always sounded, every single word of his was poetry, the fire dancing poet with acid green eyes...

"Look at me, Blondie." Roxas lifted his gaze. "That's right, let me see those gorgeous blue eyes... you take my breath away, I hope you realise this." Roxas could feel himself blushing. "Aww, just look at you, going pink under a blue moon. Because you know, it's only once in a blue moon that people fall in love as hard as I have." His hands slid to Roxas's lower back and Roxas's teeth met his lower lip again, drinking in the sweet green poison of Axel's eyes. "Can I kiss you?"

"Of course," Roxas whispered, but he was glad Axel had asked; he'd been afraid of this part all night, and now that it was here, he wanted Axel to guide him through it. The only kisses he'd ever had had been rough ones from Riku.

This was different. This was so right.

Axel's mouth was warm and the warmth shot straight from his mouth to deep in his chest, and Roxas found himself on tiptoes, desperate for more, arms wrapping around the redhead's neck to pull him closer, all that warmth and so much readiness to share...

"Axel? Roxas? Luxord says we're leaving in ten, get your butts over here or we'll leave you behind!"

They broke apart, a little bit dumbstruck, fizzing with hormones, and they both ran with everything they had, just like the first time that they ran together, hand in hand as the fire that Axel had lit – just a campfire this time – lit up the background, but all they could feel was the other's palm against theirs.

As they fell into the train with everything they owned, which barely filled a suitcase, they collapsed onto each other on the floor of the carriage, giggling with all of the innocence left in them. They fell asleep like that, Axel's hands working through Roxas's hair, smiles on both of their faces. At one point Roxas woke up, and whether he'd been having nightmares or not, he didn't mention, but he nudged Axel awake, whispered "I love you", and pulled the redhead's arms tighter around himself. Axel answered "I love you too" without a moment of thought, because it was the simple truth, and the two of them slept through until morning.

xxx

Pence smiled at the letter he'd just received from Roxas. It was nice to know that he was safe, and happy, and missed them all. He reminded himself to pass the hello onto the others – Riku excluded, because he still mistrusted Riku – and curled up in bed, phone under his pillow as always.

Just as he began to drift off, his phone brought him back to full consciousness. Taylor Swift – that was Olette's ringtone. He decided to take the call, and held the phone to his ear, yawning a little.

"Pence – Pence, you were right, your hunch about Riku – he's gone, and he said – he told Hayner and I – he's getting Sora – we're all in danger and I'm sorry, you were right –"

"Hey, hey, Ollie, calm down." Ollie was a nickname from their childhood that Pence kept as a secret weapon for when Olette needed to be soothed or comforted. It worked a charm, and Olette was silent, breathing steadily into the phone. "Okay. How exactly is he getting Sora, did he say?"

"He just said he was getting Sora, his Sora out of jail, "at any cost", and I did try to talk to the police but they laughed me off, they said that there was no way a kid could break into jail..."

"And they're right, Olette, it's okay. It's fine. With any luck Riku will get arrested for trying and we won't have anything to worry about. Now, I have a really cute letter from Roxas about how well everything is going for him at the circus, and if you're good now and go to sleep and get yourself to the Usual Spot tomorrow, I'll let you read it."

She squealed. It hurt Pence's tired ears a little, but it at least indicated that she was a bit more okay, and a bit more herself. "Oh, pretty pretty please, Pence, I do miss him, does he mention me?"

"He says he misses all of us. Now, like I said, get yourself to sleep, and I'll let you have it tomorrow." Olette "mhmm"ed, and Pence chuckled. "Atta girl. Sleep well, Olette."

"You too, Pence. Goodnight."

xxx

Halloween Town bored Roxas. Most things bored Roxas when he was in these moods. Cleaning things for Axel bored Roxas, unless Axel himself was present at the time, and this afternoon he was lucky enough to have Axel there.

"What's wrong, cherub? You look sad." Roxas said nothing, just polished a little bit slower. "Come on, tell your fire dancer what you're thinking about."

"Are we dating?" Roxas asked abruptly. It was one of many things that had been bugging him recently. "I just... I don't want to get the wrong idea or anything, but..."

"Well," Axel said slowly, sitting down next to Roxas, "we went on a date, we admitted that we love each other, we cuddle more often than we eat... I'd say we were dating, yeah. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah," Roxas smiled, "yeah, that's perfect."

"Matches you, then," Axel shot back, leaning forwards and kissing Roxas lightly. Caught offguard, he felt his hands shaking and moved backwards, eyes on the ground. "Blondie? You okay?"

He nodded slowly, standing up. He wanted to run, but Axel was nothing to run from... he was harmless... he loved Roxas...

"Is it because I kissed you? Do you need me to warn you next time, like I did before?"

"I – I'm sorry, I..."

Axel shook his head, smiling warmly. "It's okay, angel. I don't know exactly how to help all of the time, so I might mess up now and then, but I don't want to hurt you, okay? I don't want you to hurt." He held open his arms. "You don't have to hug me, but I like it when you do. It's up to you."

Roxas fell into his open arms and curled his fists in Axel's black shirt. "Thank you so much, Axel." Axel stroked his hair the way he always did, and Roxas smiled softly. "I love you."

"I love you too, cherub. Is it okay if I kiss you? Or would you rather I –" Axel's words stopped when Roxas's mouth covered his. "I guess that it's okay."

Roxas chuckled. "Thank you." Axel opened his mouth but Roxas second-guessed his reply. "It's not okay, Axel, I know it must be hard to never know if you'll hurt me by doing something, or –"

"It's worth it," Axel murmured, rubbing Roxas's back slowly. "Now climb into my lap, cherub, and let's talk about the future."

And together, while rain beat down on the tent above their heads, they discussed growing up and growing old and living together and travelling some more and never owning more than what will fill one suitcase.

xxx

"I'm the one who stole her."

Sora looked up from the floor for the first time in a week. His neck screamed pain but he met Riku's eyes. "You stole her. You're the one who stole her."

Riku didn't know how to explain any of it. "I had to, Sora, I was – they would have killed me – and they didn't kill her, they didn't, she's alive – but yes, I stole her, and... I..."

Sora's face twisted into a smile. Then he began to laugh. Bitter, empty peals of laughter that echoed, bouncing from cell wall to cell wall and passing straight through Riku, making him shudder. "Riku... my Riku... have you come to let me out this time?"

Riku nodded slowly. "Just keep nice and quiet. I brought help." And help he had brought, the same men he had given his boyfriend's little sister to all those years ago to pay off a debt left by his crack-addict brother, they were currently working on separating one wall of Sora's cell from the other three. "What's the first thing you're gonna do when you're out?"

"Fuck you for hours," he grinned, licking his teeth in the manner of a madman – which for some reason really turned Riku on – "And then, then I'm going to finish the job completely, and kill Roxas too."

xxx

"You looking forward to getting back to Twilight Town, Blondie?" Axel asked drowsily. Roxas nodded against Axel's bare chest, his fingers tracing love hearts around the redhead's belly button. "Who are you going to visit first?"

"Pence, I guess," Roxas said slowly, "and then Hayner and Olette, if they aren't with Pence already... and maybe Seifer, just to say a quick "Fuck you"..."

"And you're _sure_ I'm not allowed to kill Riku? Or even just set fire to his house?" Axel pouted. Roxas just chuckled and kissed his boyfriend's chest. "You're no fun sometimes."

"I'm sorry, baby, I just don't want you in trouble, and especially in trouble that separates you from me." He kissed the same spot again, liking the smooth softness beneath his lips. There were some moments when he wanted to strip Axel naked and let his tongue dance over every inch of skin he could find, but they were only fleeting moments; mostly, the thought of sex terrified him, and Axel understood that without asking, never going further than kissing, and occasionally staring very obviously at various parts of Roxas, seeming to want nothing more than to get him memorised. "I love you."

"I love you too, my angel." The train shook violently, and Roxas squeaked, clinging to Axel instinctively. "Hey, easy there, don't hurt yourself."

"I'm not as used to travelling by train as you are," he mumbled into Axel's stomach, and Axel chuckled and stroked his hair. "Hang on... have we stopped?"

Axel got up and opened the carriage door. Yes, they had, for no apparent reason. Luxord was sticking his head out of his compartment as well, and the two of them stepped out simultaneously, Roxas trailing behind Axel as he always did.

"Hello, little brother," came the voice that had haunted Roxas's nightmares, and he froze completely. This was another nightmare... it had to be... "Have you missed me?"

Axel stepped in front of Roxas, fists clenched. "Who's there? We don't have time for mind games or tricks, just come out so I can beat you up and we can move on."

Two figures stepped out of the shadows, and their presence had Roxas shaking violently behind Axel, clinging to his arm like a lost child. Axel was desperate to cradle him in his arms and stroke his hair until he relaxed, but that would put him right in the line of danger. "It's me, haven't you missed me?"

"I assume you're Sora and Riku," Axel spat, looking them both up and down. It terrified him in a way, to see his angel's eyes in the face of a killer, the same face that Roxas had nightmares about almost every time he fell asleep. "What do you want with my Roxas?"

"Oh, he's _your_ Roxas." Sora drew a knife from his belt. "Funny, that, because I thought he was _our_ Roxas. Mine and Riku's." He smirked. "You can keep one part of him, if you like. Mouth, eyes, dick, take your pick now before I get carried away and make it all unrecognisable."

Luxord, who Axel had paid little mind to, was suddenly behind Sora, gun pointed at the boy's head. "Now, now, Riku, this wasn't fair at all. We were a day late on a payment to Xemnas, but siccing your deranged boyfriend on us? It's just not on, mate."

Riku scowled. "I was getting him out of jail anyway. He deserves freedom. Now you'll make your payment, or we'll dispose of every one of your freaks, starting with Roxas."

"Over my dead body," Axel snarled. "I've known that Luxord was dealing with crackheads for years but if I'd known Roxas wasn't safe we would have run in a different direction. Luxord, you'll make that payment, or you'll die at my hands before they can look twice."

Luxord swallowed. "Well... you see... uh..."

Sora had clearly lost his patience. Sora had never been a patient boy.

He wanted blood, and he wanted to make things right with Roxas. Since he didn't know how to make things right with anyone, ever, he instead opted for the easier option of leaping forwards, dodging Axel, and driving a knife straight into Roxas's chest.

The blonde fell to the floor and Axel saw it in slow motion, catching his angel as he fell. "Roxas..." he said softly, helpless to stop the blood flowing from Roxas's chest.

"I love you, Axel," Roxas whispered, clinging to Axel's arm the way he always did. "I'll... I'll get to see Ven again..."

Axel didn't hear the gunshot that killed Sora, or Riku screaming at Luxord, or any of the goings-on between a drug dealer and a scared child who had now lost everything. All he heard was Roxas's breathing stop, and as soon as the blonde was gone, he pulled the knife from his chest and sliced all the way up his own forearm, letting his warmth trickle crimson onto the blonde's chest because he remembered once Roxas had said that he loved how warm Axel was.

"I love you too, my cherub," he murmured, as he slumped forwards onto Roxas, and bled out by the train that was supposed to take them to Twilight Town, where everything began.

xxx

So that happened. If you think it was great and you're in tears and you've been inspired to stay at home instead of running away to join a circus then let me know. If you think it was stupid and you just laughed a bit and you don't think that I should ever write fanfiction again, also let me know.

I'd like to take a moment to shamelessly whore out my Youtube channel. If you search for "Morgan McMorganstein", you should find me. I do song covers and vlog-rant-things, and I'm happy to take suggestions.

I also take suggestions for fics if you want to drop me one of those. I hope that you guys enjoyed this, and another chapter of A million munny should be up sometime this week, schedule permitting. Things are a bit shit for me at the moment, but I write when I can. It keeps me happy, and so do you guys. Hope you enjoyed :3


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